This is place for mad people as it says above. Write here your metamorphoses, new beginings, or what ever you experienced, but was affraid that you will be sent to mental hospital. Go ahead, be open-minded!

clever,a great idea,this is in the true spirit of
the novel. as an entry point i bring forth the word
foetid from the poem ' the immortals ' - had a
difficult time finding it in the dictionaries at first -
probably a south wind across the sewage lagoon is
an accurate descriptor if located north of it. anyway
this is obviously ' the club ' where we can meet 'and
see what happens' as did halle in the novel. my readings
of hesse began about 20 years ago - and, hesse introduced
me to the world of german literature. i am looking forward
to meeting other ' mad ones ' - here in the club.

Was Harry Haller clinically depressed? It doesn't matter, but I know that I am. Even with the medication, I feel I am searching for the door in the wall, the entrance to the theatre. On the surface, Harry's redemption was through clubs, drugs and girls! Would my depression really go if I immersed myself in these things?! Harry had Hermann too, somone who truly understood him. She encouraged Harry to embrace the moment - through hedonistic pleasures.

Each morning I wake up and search for reasons to get up. I still get up even when I cannot remember any.

Help me - how can I step through this door? Where can I find my magic theatre? How can I change from a spectator of life, half-remembering the silver thread, to a true liver of life, laughing like the immortals?

It's not a free theater! You have to insert a coin!

Do you have one I can borrow?
--Duke

hello decimus. i was away for some time and i am very pleased to see someone replyed to invitation in my club.
let's focus on your problem. first don't ever think about comiting a suicide, because it is very rough exit and we with "mark" prefer nicer ones.
i don't guarantee u that my advices will help you, every person is unique. i think that depresion is a good thing, my moto is: good is good, worse is better. so it depends on you. don't lose your hope. if you do, i will be there to find it for you.

Hello Decimus,
I wholly agree with Jastvo. It may be very hard at the beginning and throughout the whole, but it is worth every pain. I have never been to the doctor, but I do show signs of chronic depression as well. I thought that I was living hell in everyday life. Demian changed my life forever, as I read, I found out that someone else felt exactly the same as I did. There are tons of us who are "marked" out there. Tons. I never knew just how many. And after reading the book, I found my Demian, a friend that I'd had for a while, but we hadn't been that close. He allowed me to break my world slowly, helping me when it became too difficult. And best of all, he liked me for who I really am. I know that sounds a bit corny, but that is what struck me the most, he took the bad with the good. And here's why: Us who have the mark have to stick together because we are a very special breed. Intellectuals are always unhappy, its in our natures. This doesn't mean constantly, but more so than most who are ordinary. That is the price we pay for knowledge, for being able to see how the world really is. And I would never trade it to be happy all of the time. Thats what you have to keep in mind whenever you are having a hard time. Remember this fact: You have the mark, you are special, and all of us who have the mark are one. Your suffering is mine, and mine is yours and that way we never go through anything alone. Past Hesse, I reccommend Nietzsche, he was one of us. He wont necessarily cheer you up, but it is always good to know that someone else thinks like you do. I hope that this has helped, I truly do.
Europa

Hello everybody! i must feel this place with my confesion. it's hard, very hard...carrying this "load". depression, it's ok. but this is too long. life in herd of sheeps makes me more fragile. i am trying too keep my eyes open for "important things". no one knows of my sufferings around me. but come to thonk about it, it's just the phase to something great, worth suffering. how long?

Hello Europa

You and Jastvo have helped me. And I will certainly be reading Demian.

It is, as you say, very important to have peole who like us for who we really are.

I guess one of the things that attracts me to Steppenwoolf is the idea of the magic door, that there is an instant answer to problems.

And so often that is not the case. It can be a slow gradual change working through one thing then another, one issue then another.

I realise that feeling all my feelings is also important, including all those I don't want to feel. Recently I have been finding new feelings I didn't want to feel - perhaps ignoring them was helping me to be depressed.

Its been great to find your replies on the page, wherever you are in the world. I feel very priviliged to be able to communicate with you all about this across unknown distances.

Yours
Decimus

Thanks!
Allways there for "you"!

what's with all the nimwits who are looking for a way "out" when it's only ever been a way "in"! am i the only one who get's hermann hesse's cynical, optimistic, brilliance?!!! for me,where i'm at in my life, THIS IS the magic theatre. but of course, even after hesse prewarned us all that not everyone 'get's' the book - but he hopes we do! well, i'm glad that i do and it seems as if you do too!

hi,you,this guy openned my thoughts,he make me think about the things that sorrounded me,I'm sure he was not the one that he seem,he just was the woolf that he wroote...

sorry,I didnąt know you were there ,!!go on

Neki,dont make it so dissturbing,just think wise and follow onn,he only openned our minds,long ago,just a resemble of us

if I would do so ,I wouldnąt need of nothing,but I do...

...IN LIGHT AND HONOR OF MY CLINICAL FINDINGS IN"THE UNWRIITEEN METHODS OF:TREATING MENTALLY ILL INDIVIDUALS AFFLICTED OR DIAGNOSED AS "BI-POLAR AFFECTIVE DISORDER.
HAVE IT KNOWN IN MY FINDINGS,MANY THAT SUFFER FROM THIS AFFLICATION,MAINLY ENCOUNTER PROBLUMES DUE TO THE NON-COMPLIANCE OF/WITH THE MEDICAL TEAM AND REATMENT REGIMEN.
I HAVE DEVOTED TIME AND ENERGIES-THAT HAVE ALLUDED TO THIS:"IF I KNOW WHAT IS WRONG I CAN FIX IT"(self maintanence-therapy)
in this of mania i shall approach & deliver:
==================================================liken to the energy of:'to light a light bulb(01)

light bulb on/off(2)

before the burn out(3)
ALL THESE IN STEPS AND STAGES OF THE ENCOUNTER OFF 'MENTAL-ILNESS'
DR.-PATIENT AWARENESS-AND THE ATROCITIES OF="WHO'S REALLY ILL?"

FACTS FOR MORE AND DISCUSSION::e-mail = ashteck170038319@aol.com
peace & healing
Dr.03

You were thinking of the occasional warm winds from the South (Foehn) which reputedly drove people in the Alpine regions to do strange, inexplicable things.

someone named kate here. i'll have to insert that it's not about unhappiness. nietzsche's eternal recurrance has something to do with living a life over and over again and affirming it in everyway--being proud of it, accepting it, and being happy with it. that is the toughest part of all. why he likes to bag on the christians is that they believe that this life is merely a test into a world "better" than this one--perfect even--heaven. he thinks rightfully that this should be the one we affirm...the one that we should find bliss in. its not about unhappiness. realize that its there for sure, but don't dwell in it--find a reason to be a proponent of happiness.

Of course the "Theatre" is free it is the play you must create. Follow what is in your heart and don't be afraid of scaring people. They need to awake from their listless slumber. They need someone to start the play. Take every chance you get, comence every act that, to you feels right. Do not be afraid to be alone, you yourself are your soul's best friend. You are the only one who can come anywhere near to understanding yourself. Let time pass and remember that you get up each morning for no one but yourself, to continue the steps on your path. A traveler alone on a road that does not, yet, exist, on a road that will be remembered, a road to yourself.

take a look at this...hermann hesse - umberto eco - tori amos...to me, they are pretty much the same...connections, huh?...hmmm...

Put your way HAller partied his way to happiness. As a refugee from rock and roll i can assure you it's no answer. i don't know how we deal with depression on a long term basis - all we can hope for is a day to day management. some days are more crap than others. all days have moments (however brief) of sunlight and halos. Never give in and never blame yourself for your state of being. This is a confused and confusing world, a melee of capitalist invective where spiritual creatures feel they don't belong. we do: one day the money-makers will realise how empty their world would be without the dreamers.
Spike

I think that if harry found someone and some doors, it's because one part of him wanted to, as he will finally found several of these part.
Everyone MUST wonder about himself someday I think and won't find the solution in one day.
And then you'll find the one you wanted and the doors you wanted because you already found it and you finished to wonder.

Doesn't make you feel good to think that something fantastic can happen? Just pretend something mind-bogglingly miraculous is possible. Does that not inspire hope? Does not part of us want to believe that something can transcend this cerebral, logical world of ours?

One quick question for you. Have you tried going to a Cognative Behavioral Therapist? CBT is a fairly cutting edge branch of psychology that deals with thought patterns. It is thankfully very short term and has as good response as anti-depressant medication with a lower rate of recidivism. If you want to talk furlther, email me at dsher999@hotmail.com

Yes it does make you feel good that something fantastic can just happen, but that is a very passive way of looking at it. Everybody identifies with Harry Haller, who sees miracles on the street. Who identifies with Pablo, the creator of the magic theatre. Who among you is going to create the mind bogglingly miraculous thing that others will see as a signpost for hope.

Everyday begin to take note of the small things arround you, a bird flying the colour in a flower, a picture on a wall, rebuild your sense of wonder, don't expect too much at first, little by little take note of what is good around you. And remember that this world is full of wonder if you take time to look. Keep away from the dark and sad it is not for you to save the world you can only save yourself. Good luck

hi neki, how are you doing now? I just thought I'll write to you a little note after reading your post about your feelings regarding being a spectator to life. I can only too easily relate to them. I have recently come off medication and as of now I seem to be going alright although of course I still have my bad days.
I am not a regular visitor to this site. so if you would like to get in touch with me, please write to madm2@hotmail.com

by the way, are you a big Hesse Fan? I am. I actually translated his Knulp in to Dhivehi, which is the language spoken in the Maldives, which is where I originally come from. I have read quite a bit of his work, although not all. Currently I am re-reading Sidhartha and Steppenwolf after several years.
bye for now, take care, M. Waheed

first i learned about the buddha (siddharthar), then demian came into my life and i was hooked on the wise and often "too close to me" words that hesse has left for all of us to ponder. a few other works i have also read by our author, but i am now in the first third of steppenwolf and the maddness has begun. so far i am intrigued, i will speak more about this when it's done. to all of you that speak of saddness, really, we all have it, no human escapes it. we all deal with our demons differently, or not at all. i know that the one thing i will have to do everyday i live this earth is to look back at my own reflection. face that which you are. hermann hesse's brilliance lies in his brutal honesty and gift of word and of course his tortured soul. i have a friend who refuses to believe he has a soul, and maybe he doesn't. my soul is somewhere, sometimes right with me and othertimes it takes off on a journey of it's own and i wake up with a new reality about myself or the world and just know that the only truth is what you believe. and i digress, the power lies in the way hesse has transversed time because he speaks of the essence of the human being. the soul, mind and flesh. things like war, hype, and money are things we have to live with they come with the package.

right now, i truly believe in destiny. i have been for a long while if not chronically depressed, quite depressed. today i found demian laying around in a bookshelf and started reading it. trying to find out more about hesse i came across this forum and i feel better already, knowing iąm not alone. i want to finish reading demian, and actually, follow your advice on reading nietzche which i had been considering for a while, being an atheist as i am. i totally agree with you about being in our natures, as intelectuals, to be unhappy. and you can feel better too for you have helped me.

can anyone see a link between the transcendental philosophy expressed by writers such as Emerson, Hawthorne or even Mark Twain and the Budhist approaches to 'the meaning of life' in Hesse's books?
I am trying to write a paper on Emerson and I think German romanticism and Budhism are both influential in Emerson and Hesee. Is this comparison too far-fetched? Can you help me?

hey you guys,
I just blew up my car & set myself on fire. im serious.
it hurt but i just got out of the hospitoal.
I love herman. havnt read all of him.
almost died. eat my freedom.

I wonder why Hermine wanted Heller to kill her. Maybe we are all born suicides. Her personality was too dissolved by Pablo etc. that she couldn't do it herself. Maybe?

I think that Hermine existed, but in the magic theatre it was her "reflection" that was there and that was stabbed by Harry. The sequence within the theatre was Harry's trip, his fantasy unleashed. It was Harry that has craved death, Hermine did not. Hermine existed to teach Harry how to laugh and not be so serious all the time, and he uses "the reflection of a knife" to stab the "reflection of a girl". She gave him life, and he takes it from her, it is symbolic. In his fantasy he kills the part of him that is vibrant. Hermine was a part of Harry and I think she was an extention of Harry, and in that way it was his own fantastic suicide.

have a look at erich fromm

so, do you believe you've got it?
you've gotten "the point?"

The thing which stayed with me the longest after reading Steppenwolf was something Hesse wrote about the personality being the prison of your mind. This seemed very true to me, and afterwards I became more aware of the fact that so much of my reactions were defensive mechanisms, and I never seemed to be very spontanious. And it seemed clear that Harry had also imprisoned himself, by his dogmatic ideas about what he did and didn't like (jazz for example), and he'd reached a point where he had resricted himself so much that he was drowning. Tthe only way out was to challenge and break the biased views he had which meant he had to experience this sensual existence. I don't think that Steppenwolf meant to give so much a message of "therapy through hedonism" more that to grow you need to come into situations where you can experience for yourself things you don't accept and see them for what they really are and hopefully come to terms with them.

It's also interesting to see how you can find yourself fullfulling certain "roles", father, son, husband, employed worker, friend and how you can be completely different person in each of these situations. Probably because you know how you "should" behave in these situations, ie a kind of a survival thing, which is related to the personalitly/prison thing.

Did anyone else think much about this topic? - whether it was right or wrong or whatever?

My lasting impression of Hesse is his energy and youthfulness. At 50 he has appealed to young people around the world with Steppenwolf and shown himself to be younger in spirit than all of them. He must be a great asset to young people whose optimism is faltering. Harrys Redemption is quite real. Rx

I think about this topic a lot.
My screen name, Arx, is Latin for "fortress," I use it because I often feel like I am so wrapped up in the processes of my mind that I can't communicate or even function in society. No one ever notices this. I guess they just think I'm quiet. I'm a model, so my work doesn't involve much communication. I feel heartened that someone else feels trapped in their mind but still manages to live. That's why I love Hesse so much. He also makes me feel less lonely : )

There is a wall that separates,
the hospital from the holy.
A door in the middle that reads,
"For Madman Only."

Pretending to be,
all
that you
see.
Pretending to be,
that,
which blinds
me.

I walk the nights
a lone and angry man.
A magic theater in my hand.
So warm and wet I feel so young,
entrance not for everyone.

Pretending to be,
all
that you
see.
Pretending to be,
that,
which blinds
me.

The bourgeois burden
of the orderly.
A clean parquet floor
an a fresh trimmed tree.
This stair at the top is where I'll sit.
Please don't break.

Pretending to be,
all
that you
see.
Pretending to be,
that,
which blinds
me.

This is something I wrote after reading Stepenwolf. It is on our upcoming album.

HI!

There are plenty of personal, cultural, philosophical reasons why you feel depressed.

I can't recommend this stronly enough, downloading and listening to this mp3 clip several times until it sinks in - will lift you up, and help you find your way. Paste link below into your browser to begin the download
http://mckenna.psychedelic-library.org/Terence%20McKenna%20-%20Unfolding%20the%20Stone%20p1%206-1-1991%20rc.mp3

or go to the website
http://mckenna.psychedelic-library.org/

As a matter of fact, I am going to re-read Steppenwolf again. The first time I read I was fascinated by his ideas, but somehow it overwhelmed me...I hope the 2nd reading will prove to be fruitful.
Edit: I am not saying the 1st reading wasn't fruitful...it's just that I need more reading to understand what his intent is.

you can't ,the only choice i see is to survive and to stand against the realities that we are given .

what make you think that???i think you just have to have a great perspective of your reality to be able to see the world the way it is:sad,casual and very ironic...as you say no everyone is intelligent enough to accept that reality and only some people is able to deal with that and still continue triyin to survive or exist in their own reality without being considered crazy by the rest of the ''world''

"As a matter of fact, I am going to re-read Steppenwolf again. The first time I read I was fascinated by his ideas, but somehow it overwhelmed me...I hope the 2nd reading will prove to be fruitful.
Edit: I am not saying the 1st reading wasn't fruitful...it's just that I need more reading to understand what his intent is."

Bingo.

I'm about to turn 48, and this is my third reading of Steppenwolf. The first time (in my twenties) I struggled for nearly a decade. Second time (late thirties) I finished in about a month. This time, I'll finish in 3 nights. My life has changed dramatically since my last effort. I'm now married (very late) and have 2 little boys who are the focus of my life. I've also been practicing law for the past quarter century. Anyway, it's an incredible book, one of my favorites. Sorry to be rambling. One person who submitted something earlier suggested that we all tend to exhibit manifold natures in the various roles we play. This is part of what Steppenwolf is about for me. It helps me to put into context my personal struggles to play each role to the best of my ability, and not to hate myself if some of my roles seem to be in conflict. Anyway...

Hello readers of this thread

Decimus speaking - I happened to come across this site today looking for something else. It is now three years since I posted my first message here...

I have taken an excellent anti-depressant since just after posting the message. The depression was a true and real problem, and now it has gone. When I wake up, I wake up. I don't need to search for the reasons, they are there.

Harry "partied his way to freedom", and that is not who I am. Discovering more of who I am, and being real, being authentic, has also made a huge difference to me.

Since that post, huge numbers of things have changed in my life. Through them all has been the motto that my mother gave me when I was ten - "Be Yourself".

The golden thread runs through my heart, and sometimes it is reflected by things outside me. But it always remains. If I cannot see it, it does not mean it is not there, just that I need to remember how to see.

Love to all
Decimus

Would just like to say that Steppenwolf is such an intriguing book! I bought the book a year and a half ago when i was in the midst of a really rough time. Just moved away from home for the first time, started uni...all utterely terrifying and everything else was falling apart around me. I'd never even heard of this book or Hemann Hesse before. Just read the back of the book and thought it was for me..considering my frame of mind at the time.In some ways i thought it really was an uplifting book.I don't feel so insignificant now!
Anyway to get to my point....eventually, I was just wondering if anyone had over heard of the musician Nick Drake? If not he is defintely worth checking out. His last album was released in '72....11 years before i was even born...but I am a huge fan.I was reading his biography and while i was reading it i just thought to myself....my god,he really is the definitive steppenwolf! Unfortunately he died at only 27 years of age but i strongly recommend checking him out. His songs really are poetry and he has such a beautiful voice. If you enjoyed steppenwolf, i think Nick Drake would appeal to you just as much!

Anyway, cheerio!

This is a really cool forum!

I have the answer to your question, when you asked: does not part of us want to believe that something can transcend this cerebral, logical world of ours? yes, that is why we have religion, we are scared and feel the need of some kind of supreme being who can protect us , and it is too hard to just accept that we are who we are because of an evolution process that took billions of years and not because of a snap of fingers or a miracle. That is why we turn to faith, and a God. Just an opinion.

I have a lot of hope you know , oopss i just lost it .no no i got it i still have it .i just lost it again , oh well .who cares .
Those of you who said to have the answer to such a great question yes to those .I respect Hesse and all of his philosophies but let me remind you that all of our answers are within ourselves ladies and gentleman.Yes it is true that there are religions out there but do not forget that when man created those religions man was a lttle bit rusty compared to today's man Look within yourselves the history of the world has already been completed . Religion is a thing of the past you are the next religion you and only you know what is next .Read books an learn but only follow those leaderships as long as you have to .When our are done you'll be carved out of wood and god knows where.Dont let the ones that have all the answers pull you down , if you are here reading this it mean you have the "mark" and you are already on your way to become an enlightened.( i'd like to thank the academy)